Expect, and regret

Why do people expect something from someone? And always end up losing? And get into a fit of rage? And grudge that someone? Is expectation such a bad ask? Day in and day out we expect so many things from so many people around us. The boss expects his employee to finish the assigned work, a parent expects the child to be the class topper, a wife expects her husband to be richer, and the people expect their government to be honest & helpful. Some happen, some don’t!

When we do anyone a favor, we are inadvertently bound to expect some good deed from that person sometime in the future. It’s almost like taken for granted. Helping someone is like insuring yourself from some unforeseen risk; if we are in distress, we’d approach the ones we have helped! Why? Because we have helped them earlier, so we expect them to help us too. Ah, expectation again. Very recently, all my old buddies met up in my house; one chap was spitting fire on another one, coz the latter hadn’t helped him in some activity. Another expectation that has failed! (Let me name them A & B respectively for clarity). I understand the anger of this guy A, for many a time, he has stood up for his friends for their needs; some were situations where he could have shrugged off saying “why should I?”, but still he has done owing to the camaraderie. So it was one such day when he needed help and obviously tapped this bloke B. To be fair, B didn’t say he wouldn’t help, but he hadn’t helped either. This inaction has prompted A to think “I have been used”. His feelings are quite predictable and justified too! This happens to almost everyone; most of the time we end up saying I have done this for him, done that for her, but they didn’t help me.

I faced this situation many times. I got nothing when I deserved; I held high regard for some of my close pals, but I have only been abused in return. Took others’ work personally and done it, sometimes traveling far distances, but still they found a dearth in my helpfulness. There are a whole bunch of parasites out there ready to get everything out from you. I feel like screaming, asking to give me the respect I deserve, but nay. What good does it do for me? It only wrenches my intestines, simmers my head and drives me mad and angry. All this has happened many times, which is why I am pretty clear about the effects. So, after all the agony is subdued, I have decided that it is better not to expect anything from anyone, rather than do so and repent. This self-solace gives you immense emotional calmness. Others may argue that I have resigned to my fate, but I am better off this way. Many say: Always do good, but never expect a favor in return. Well, if it’s because the altruistic do not expect any returns, or if it’s futile to expect from a self-absorbed world, I am not sure. One cannot be selfless in this society.

Speaking about selflessness, I remember Mother Teresa. What a fabulous lady she is; she has helped thousands and thousands of the poor and sick slum-dwellers of Kolkotta. And she never expected anything in return. I am too small or even unfit to discuss anything on this great human being, but just trying to learn something from her. Not even our parents expect we should do them a great favor, for they have brought us up. Hmm, different people, different reactions. And this is my reaction: if I can’t be selfless, I would at least stop expecting.

“Never idealize others. They will never live up to your expectations.” - Leo Buscaglia